Category Archives: Rejection

Man at the Sea

25 Monday Feb 2019

Posted by in Captivity, Choices, Fear, Freedom, Hope, Journey, Rejection, Strongholds

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He sat in stillness, as if mesmerized by the crashing waves in front of him.

“Mind if I take your picture?” I ventured.

“That’s fine.”

After the photo shoot, I asked him the standard beach-side question, “Where’re you from?”

“I live here and usually come once a day. What brings you here on a week day? How’d you get time off?”

With a smile I replied, “I recently retired so I can come any time.”

“What’re you doing now that you’re retired?”

I offered the first thing that came to my mind. “Well, it’s given me time to write a book.”

“What’s it about?

“Fear of rejection.”

“That’s something we all face. But you just walked up and talked to me.” He looked up from his sandy perch with a smirk.

Caught off guard by this realization, I paused.

He admitted, “The thought of rejection holds me back from saying things or presenting my opinion because I want it to be perfect, you know?”

“I know. I used to be afraid of what people might think of me. Making progress, though.”

“What are the principles in your book?”

After presenting the three sections—Living in Captivity, Breaking Strongholds, Tasting Freedom—I told him I had God in my life and He had set me free from the things that kept me in bondage.

“I want to buy your book.”

That led to an exchange of names and the full title of my book.

Then Alex told me more. “I belong to an AA group. I used to go to keep from drinking. Now I go because of the fellowship. And I feel safe.”

“How long have you been sober?”

“Seventeen years. I don’t want to take one drink, because I don’t want to give up what I have in the group.”

“That’s wonderful. God wants to help you stay sober.” After a pause I asked, “Alex, where are you on your spiritual journey?”

“I’m into spirituality but not religion.””

“God isn’t into religion either. Instead, He wants to have a personal relationship with us. Prayer is the way we can talk to Him, just like you and I are talking.”

Pausing for a moment, we looked toward the rolling waves, blue sky, and brilliant sunshine and agreed that all of it reflected God. Unexpectedly, Alex said, “I sometimes think of a pearl and how the irritation of the sand inside the oyster creates something beautiful.”

“And each pearl is unique,” I said.

“It’s like we are unique, but imperfect. When we speak up, we don’t need to be afraid to be imperfect. In my AA group, I listen but don’t say much about myself.”

With a big smile, I exclaimed, “You can tell them about our conversation. Then it’s like a story, not just about you.”

“Yeah, Jesus told parables, which are like stories.” His eyes shone as if he were considering the amazing possibility of being able to tell his story.

Sensing this a perfect time to explain more, I told him that Jesus had died to pay for our sins so we would be able to know God personally. When I asked if he’d heard about Jesus dying on the cross, he nodded.

“Alex, would you like to pray with me and ask God to come into your life? Or do you want to pray on your own?”

“I will pray myself, because you told me how to do that.”

As we stood together, he said, “Thank you for stopping to talk. I’ll buy your book. I know it will help me.”

“Alex, do you realize that God arranged that you would come to this spot and I would choose this time to walk by?”

We smiled at each other with the realization that this was an arranged appointment we would never forget.

As I walked away, I felt like my feet were barely touching the sand. Silently, I asked God to give Alex courage to pray, and to share his beach story and book with his AA group. I could only imagine the lives that might be changed when they listen to him speak up without fear.

I’m praying that this spiritual seed-planting and watering time will blossom and flourish in the heart of Alex, the man God brought to the sea that day.

https://www.redemption-press.com/shop/will-the-real-person-please-stand-up/

 

Numbers Don’t Matter

02 Friday Nov 2018

Posted by in Connections, Fear, Freedom, Hope, Life, Rejection

≈ 2 Comments


“I think we will have a good group coming today,” Lanita told me.

She had organized a women’s tea in her home because she wanted to give me a chance to speak about my life and promote my new book, Will the Real Woman Please Stand Up? Based on her ad in the community newspaper and the flyer she’d passed out in her neighborhood, she expected 30-35 women.

That day she and five ladies involved in her ministry flurried around the kitchen, while the fragrance of spicy teas and freshly-baked scones permeated the air. Soon they carried a colorful array of teapots to the mahogany table and set them near the silver platters of autumn-decorated cookies and blueberry scones.

The clocked ticked. But the doorbell didn’t ring.

Finally, one guest arrived. Just before the starting time of 1 p.m., three more women bustled in the door. After preparing their decorated name tags and hurrying to gather their tea and refreshments, they moved to the spacious living room, which overlooked a sun-kissed lawn and majestic trees.

Lanita stood near the fireplace and welcomed everyone, smiling as if to an overflow crowd rather than only nine women. We were disappointed; God had a better plan.

After Lanita introduced me, I stood and smiled at the array of eager faces, unaware of the life experiences represented in that room.

“We all face some kind of fear. For me, the fear of rejection ruled my life throughout my childhood and into my adult years. I want to show you how God began to set me free.”

After explaining about the pain of growing up feeling sad, lonely, unloved and unimportant, I admitted that I’d built a wall and worn a mask to protect myself from rejection by family, friends, teachers and eventually coworkers.

Near the end of my time, I lifted my book from a side table. “I want to read one story. It is about my sweet curly-haired 9-year-old great niece who broke through my aloofness and pulled down the remaining bricks of my wall.”

Later, I said, “Have you felt rejected in your life? I understand. I’ve been there. But I’m here to tell you, with God there is hope. He wants to set us free so we can stand up and say, ‘This is the real me!’”

After walking to the couch and sitting next to Lanita, I asked the group, “Do you have any questions?”

Instead of a question, one woman told the group that her husband had died recently, and she’d had to begin making decisions herself. “It was scary, but I’ve started seeing changes in myself. I like my life and the person I’ve become.”

Her honesty started a snowball of sharing. Another recent widow piped up, “Thank you. Now I have hope that I will be all right.”

From across the room, a reserved woman admitted she’d felt intimidated living in that affluent community because she’d grown up poor. Someone assured her that wasn’t an issue with people living there.

A tall woman who didn’t know anyone except Lanita, began to tell about her mother’s mental breakdown and the three years she and her siblings had had to spend living apart from her parents. Several women responded to her heartache with soft words.

After a while, I commented, “If we had had a room full of people, we wouldn’t be telling each other these things,” They agreed and kept on talking.

During those unplanned 30 minutes, we became a small group of friends who felt free to share our deep hurts and fears. A desire to listen, encourage, and console one another filled our hearts.

When Lanita sensed we were finished, she ended with this: “We expected many more women to come today, but I want you to know you were chosen to be here.”

I’m sure God smiled.

Yes, we did eventually end up at the book table and everyone left with a book. For me, the priceless part came through the comment of one of the guests. “We’ve been talking, and we all want to get back together after we finish reading your book.”

Numbers don’t matter to God. He simply wants to change each heart, and He knows the best way to do that.

 

Buying Me Back

28 Wednesday Mar 2018

Posted by in Choices, Faith, Freedom, Hope, Journey, Rejection

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Redemption took on new meaning for me last night.

Jeremiah, a Messianic Jew involved with Jews for Jesus, stood at the front of the room. As he led us through the Passover Seder, he explained the Christian symbolism of each element. Amazingly, each one points to the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Messiah.

Throughout the presentation, Jeremiah emphasized the word “Redemption.” Each time he asked us to repeat the meaning with him: “God bought back what rightfully belonged to Him.” God created us, but we were separated from Him because of our sin. We needed a Savior who would “buy us back.” God’s Son Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the price that bought our freedom to enjoy a personal relationship with God.

Jeremiah concluded with a story. A young boy had crafted a small, beautiful boat, with the help of his father. The last thing the boy did was paint his initials on the side. After father and son walked to the water’s edge, the son placed the boat on the surface and held on to the string he had tied to the back of it.

Grinning from ear to ear, the son watched the boat sway from side to side at the gentle persuasion of the breeze. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind ripped the string from his young fingers. He ran along the bank as fast as he could, but the boat sped ahead of him. He closed his eyes as big tears streamed past his quivering chin.

One day while walking on the sidewalk in their small town, he glimpsed something in a store window. It looked like a rusty boat. Drawing closer, he squinted through the glass and spotted his initials on the side.

Rushing into the store, he announced. “That’s my boat. Can I have it?”

The owner explained, “Another young boy brought that in and I paid him for it. You can have it if you pay me $10.”

In desperation, the boy raced home and emptied the money from his piggy bank on to his bed. Gathering the required amount, he ran back to the store and laid his coins on the counter. The owner smiled, walked over to the window, picked up the boat and set it in the boy’s waiting arms.

Beaming with joy, he walked outside. As he looked down and cradled his boat he said, “I owned you twice. I made you, then I lost you, and now I have bought you back.”

The imagined joy on his face will remain in my heart as I consider, once again, the indescribable love of my Father who allowed His Son to die so He could “buy me back.” That’s redemption.

Who will win?

27 Tuesday Feb 2018

Posted by in Authentic, Connections, Fear, Freedom, Hope, Rejection, Strongholds

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Fear can crop up at the strangest times.

You would think we could outsmart our most prominent fears once in a while. Especially if we’ve dealt with them for many years. Couldn’t we just tell ourselves, “This time you don’t have to give in”?

It’s not that simple.

Surrounded by friends at a recent writing conference, I felt joyful, energized, confident, eager for opportunities to encourage other conferees.

Things changed during my first workshop about integrating writing and speaking. Our leader, Linda, instructed us to choose a topic and create a short speech. Then she asked for volunteers to make their presentation to the group. I’ve done lots of speaking. My hand should have popped up right away. Instead, I sat in my chair, wrestling with my fear. What if it didn’t turn out well? What would the group think?

Finally, I talked with God. Immediately I knew I could and should confront my fear. As I faced the group, I relaxed and God took over. Ironically, my presentation related to the book I’m writing about rising above the fear of rejection by walking out of our self-made prisons in God’s strength and tasting freedom to become who God made us to be.

That walk to the front of the room became symbolic of coming out of my own prison and facing my fear that day. Because one of my classmates heard me speak, she opened some unique doors for me to promote my book. That was God’s plan all along.

My friend Dayle, writer of Tip of My Iceberg blog, shed light on my path through her  recent post. “We’ve all got potential to be more than the limits our minds and fears give us. If we give ourselves the freedom to believe in an all-powerful, all-knowing God who made us intentionally in love, we have His power to pursue dreams greater than our perceived limitations.”

I hope I remember this the next time fear tries to hold me back.

Loneliness of Loss

21 Saturday Feb 2015

Posted by in Connections, Loss, Rejection

≈ 2 Comments

I felt alone when my mother died unexpectedly. She’d always been there for me during 43 years of my life. Don’t we sometimes think our mothers will live forever?

If you also have an endearing kind of relationship with your mother, you’ve probably come to relish and depend on her wisdom, listening ear, and companionship. When you don’t have her in your life, you realize the preciousness of what you had.

Loneliness can descend after the loss of a spouse. Suddenly you don’t hear their voice or see them come around the corner to give you a hug or ask a question.

The loss of a child—the most painful loss, I’m told—creates the deepest sense of emptiness. It seems so unnatural for a child to die before his parents. If he has already left home, the parents have tried to celebrate his desire to create his own independent life. But when he physically leaves his parents behind, they grieve in a way that may never go away.

In the midst of the loneliness of loss, God’s promise in Hebrew 13:5 becomes an especially precious one: “I will always be with you. I will never leave you or forsake you.” God sent His Spirit to fill up the lonely places in our hearts and lives.

Dorothy and Gail DSCN2671Recently I watched God’s compassion unfold. I was visiting my 95-year-old friend Dorothy, my mother’s best friend. More than 20 years ago we had both said goodbye to my mother, but we stayed in touch and our relationship deepened. Throughout the years we exchanged letters and cards at special holidays, and I always visited her each time I traveled to Oregon. Dorothy became my listening ear, and her smiles and hugs filled my empty spaces.

Dorothy and I had looked forward to our lunch date for many months. She seldom had the chance to get out since being confined to a wheelchair. After hugging my sweet, white-haired friend, and exclaiming over her latest family pictures, we settled in for a visit. During our conversation she quietly remarked, “Shouldn’t say this, but I’m lonely. My friends can’t come this distance to see me anymore.” Sadness clouded her blue eyes.

My heart broke. Here she sat in her old age with many dear friends dying and others unable to drive to visit her in the assisted living complex. Silently I prayed, Lord, please lift her spirits today.

She explained, “When we’re ready to go for lunch, I’ll ask the gal who assists me to come to my room to push me in my wheelchair and help get me in your car.”

Later, downstairs at the entrance, I watched Sara skillfully bear Dorothy’s weight and maneuver her out of her wheelchair and into the front seat. Soon we pulled into the tree-lined driveway of the motel restaurant she had chosen. After parking temporarily at the front door, I attempted to help Dorothy but realized I was incapable of lifting her.

I’d spotted an employee sitting on a bench outside the motel as we drove in and walked over to ask her help. The young brunette with a friendly smile, popped up from her seat with eagerness.

As we walked toward the car I admitted, “I know this really isn’t in line with your duties, but—.”

“Well, actually I’m here to assist anyone who needs helps. I work at the front desk. My name’s Jamie.”

Jamie quickly and easily lifted Dorothy into the wheelchair and pushed her into the dining room. “Enjoy your lunch. I’ll help you again when you’re finished.”

Dorothy and I chatted, laughed, and remembered old times. “This salad is delicious,” she said. “If I ate any more of it, I’d be eating the plate. What a wonderful time this has been.” I smiled with delight.

But the best part was about to unfold. Jamie appeared at our table as I was paying for lunch. “Ready?”

As we approached my car, Jamie bent down to look into Dorothy’s face. “Just as you drove in, I received a text from my mother saying that my grandmother passed away.”

“I’m so sorry. Are you going to be able to get time off?” Dorothy said.

“No, my grandmother lived in another state, but you are here.” They embraced with tears spilling onto their cheeks. My tears flowed, as well.

Turning to Jamie with overwhelming gratitude I said, “God knew you two needed to meet each other today.”

“Yes, He did. And I’m getting baptized in two weeks at church. They asked people to come forward if they wanted Jesus in their lives. God helped me not be afraid.” She paused. “It has really helped me because my husband and I lost a baby six months ago.” Her deep losses shook me.

Jamie turned to Dorothy. “I can’t see my grandmother anymore but I can visit you.”

“I’d love that.” Dorothy’s face lit up with the prospect of seeing her new, young friend again. That day our heavenly Father reached into the hearts of two lonely people.

Have you been lonely at times? I have, too, but through this experience God reminded me that on those lonely days He will do special things to show me I’m not alone.

God sets the lonely in families,
he leads out the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

Psalm 68:6 NIV